January 21, 2006
'Feed a cold and starve a fever’, or 'starve a cold and feed a fever'?
No one knows, but everyone has an opinion.
I took an unscientific survey about this age-old proverb and found an array of views leaving me more perplexed than ever.
The basic idea behind this folklore is that if you are burning up with a fever, you need to cool off and not put so much fuel into your body—starve it. If you are chilled from a cold, your body needs more fuel—eat up.
Some say the exact opposite.
To make matters worse, most of us cannot decide if we have the flu or a simple cold. Which is it?
I have concluded that I must have both, so I am trying mutual approaches.
The way I feel right now, I’ll try anything and just about everything to feel better; that is, with one exception—asafetida (pronounced ‘assafuhtiduh’).
Historical records show that during the time of Alexander the Great in 4 BC, those in the know wore a bag of asafetida around the neck to ward off all sorts of diseases.
Asafetida is a paste-like substance, sometimes referred to as “stink finger” because of its pungent smell of rotting onions or sulfur. If you were to eat it, you would find it has a flavor of rotted garlic.
No respectable disease would dare come near it.
Alexander surmised that neither would enemy armies.
Now, we know his well-kept military secret—wear a putrid talisman.
Since Alexander’s ancient time, asafetida has been credited with numerous other medicinal properties.
An encyclopedia of spices, at theepicenter.com website, notes that asafetida is prescribed by herbologists to relieve asthma, bronchitis, and whooping cough.
Once, just the shock of the sulfurous smell was thought to calm hysteria.
In some parts of the world, people swore it was an antidote for flatulence while others said it was a cure for alcoholism.
Apparently, asafetida would scare off just about anything.
Cooking experts tell us asafetida has some culinary uses as well, in minute amounts, of course. Keep in mind, it is very important to store this nasty gum-like substance in an airtight container, or it will affect everything around it.
I think I can smell it from here.
So, here we are in the midst of winter flu and cold season, and there is no asafetida to be found.
What are we to do?
Misery is everywhere.
I notice people in public places grabbing door handles with their scarves and sweaters, applying antibacterial gels and soaps every few minutes, spraying the air with disinfectants, and trying any new product that guarantees it can lessen symptoms.
People are behaving much like Monk, the obsessive TV detective who is afflicted with a debilitating germ phobia.
Who could blame them?
Maybe, we should all just give up and go to bed.
Instead, we try any number of things to keep on our feet and moving.
Personally, I have experimented with feeding the ailment in case it could be a cold.
Chicken and rice soup, 7-Up, crackers, hot tea with lemon—you know the drill.
Nothing tastes good, so I decide that I will try starving the darn thing, whatever it is, cold or fever.
That did not last long. I was starving.
What was I thinking?
Some folks swear by honey, ginger, and garlic, but do they mean taken together or separately?
I am too fatigued to figure that out.
So, I call my Aunt Esther for a remedy. She says to spread mentholatum on the chest, cover the aromatic grease with a warm shirt, and go to bed.
Sounds dangerously like asafetida to me, and I really do not want to smell like a giant wintergreen mint either.
Finally, after all else fails, off I go to the doctor for help.
I ask, “Doctor, is my flu serious?”
My doc replies, “Well, I would not advise you to start watching any serials on TV.”
I came right back at him with this retort, “Remember Erma Bombeck’s standard rule of medicine—never go to a doctor whose office plants have died!
I am going back to bed.
